Proverbs 11: 16 Graciousness vs. Ruthlessness

As I read today’s verse. I was dismayed at what MY understanding came up with. The second part of the verse sounded like it totally went against the things that God teaches, so I decided to look up each of the important words so that I would be able to get a complete understanding of the meanings behind the words that upset me. First, let’s read the verse:

Proverbs 11: 16 (NKJV)

16 A gracious woman retains honor,
But ruthless men retain riches.

The word, “gracious” has the root word of “grace” which is defined as: 1. A disposition to be generous or helpful; goodwill; To show mercy or clemency. 2. A favor rendered by one who need not do so 3. (Christian theology) a state of sanctification by God; the state of one who is under God’s divine influence.

The word “gracious,” itself, means: 1. To be characterized by: kindness, warm courtesy, tact, propriety, charm or beauty; gracefulness, elegance and good taste 2. To be of a merciful or compassionate nature. 3. (Archaic meaning) Enjoying favor or grace; acceptable or pleasing. These characteristics fit the example, at the end of Proverbs, of the “perfect” woman in God’s sight where it also says that this woman will be honored.

The word “retains” means: 1. To maintain possession of 2. To keep or hold 3. To keep in mind; remember.

The word, “honor” is defined as: 1. High respect, as that shown for special merit; esteem: 2. Good name; reputation. 3. Glory or recognition; distinction.

Our last main word in this verse is “ruthless” which means: Having no compassion or pity; merciless: without mercy or pity; "a monster of remorseless cruelty"

The first part of our verse says that a woman (or person) that shows compassion, mercy, gentleness, courtesy, and tact, even when they don’t HAVE TO, will enjoy favor and be acceptable or pleasing to God. Someone with these traits will keep in mind, or hold onto, their good name and reputation. People will recognize them them by giving them a LOT of respect. An excellant example of a person like this was Mother Theresa.

Think of those people who have shown these qualities that you know, and how you feel about that person. This would be something I would want to strive for in MY life because I want people to see God’s work in my life.

The second part of this verse is what caused me to be confused because, through a cursory reading, it seemed to say that you need to be “ruthless,” or "a monster of remorseless cruelty," that has NO compassion, pity or mercy toward people if you want to be rich. If you look further, though, at the verse, it says these types of people will RETAIN their riches. They will NOT share them or use them to help others, no matter how badly it is needed.

I came to see that God was “reporting” on what happens in this world. By remembering so many of the rest of the verses that we have been studying in Proverbs, I know that those “riches” are doing NOTHING for the soul of that person. He would have NO peace, love or joy in his heart, for you only get those by giving them away to others. An example of this was Hitler who ended up going mad and killing himself.

I also remembered that several of the verses that we have studied essentially were “boiled down” by Christ into these words in Mark 8:36 -- For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?”

Proverbs 11: 14 The Need for Counsel

Proverbs 11: 14 (NKJV)

14 Where there is no counsel, the people fall;

But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.

Counsel: 1. The act of exchanging opinions and ideas; consultation. 2. Advice or guidance, especially as solicited from a knowledgeable person. 3. A plan of action. 4. Private, guarded thoughts or opinions: 5. A lawyer or group of lawyers giving legal advice and especially conducting a case in court.

Counselors: 1. A person who gives counsel; an adviser. 2. An attorney, especially a trial lawyer.

In the Jewish culture, as we have seen before, the elders and wise men of the community would gather at the gates or certain special places in the towns and cities to discuss important matters. Often the younger men (Jewish men were considered to be “men” after their bar mitzvah at age 13) would come to learn by listening to the elder’s discussions. This is one of the main ways that they would learn.

With this type of cultural life, the young person would learn how wise it was to listen to or “take counsel” from older, more knowledgable people around them. They would see that those that despised listening to, and learning from, these leaders would cause people to have many problems and fall into many of life’s “traps.” Conversely, those that do mingle with, and learn from, the wise, will make wise decisions.

We need to understand that when we have problems or big decisions to make, we should step back and find someone who is proficient in that type of problem or decision, and consult with them. It would be wise to discuss the various points, so that we will be able to make informed decisions before we make our plan of action. We should beware of trying to figure out “big things” without taking “counsel,” for God says that could cause us to “fall.”

Proverbs 11:2 Pride vs Humility

Today’s verse is about being prideful and, in contrast, about being humble.

Proverbs 11:2 (NKJV)

2 When pride comes, then comes shame;
But with the humble is wisdom.


The Book of Proverbs has a lot to say about “pride,” or a “haughty spirit.” Proverbs 6:17 lists this as another of the Seven Deadly Sins. Proverbs 8:13 (NKJV) states: “The fear of the LORD is to hate evil. Pride and arrogance and the evil way, and the perverse mouth I hate. Proverbs 13:10a says, “By pride comes nothing but strife...”

The Online Dictionary defines the type of “pride” spoken of here as: 1. Arrogant or disdainful conduct or treatment; haughtiness 2. An excessively high opinion of oneself; conceited.

Proverbs 16:18, a VERY well known verse, warns us that, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. Today’s verse tells us tells us approximately the same thing! “When pride comes, then comes shame…” If we put ourselves up on a pedestal, sooner or later, God will have to knock us off, for He is to be our God and we are to have NO OTHER god’s above HIM!

Pride was Satan's sin. Isaiah 14:12-14 (NKJV) tells us about this:

The Fall of Lucifer

12 “ How you are fallen from heaven, O Lucifer,[literally, Day Star] son of the morning! How you are cut down to the ground, You who weakened the nations! 13 For you have said in your heart: ‘ I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God; I will also sit on the mount of the congregation On the farthest sides of the north; 14 I will ascend above the heights of the clouds, I will be like the Most High.’

This certainly makes it clear that it is best to not allow this type of “pride” into our lives, but to recognize that our God is sovereign and HE is the one that has brought us everything that we might allow ourselves to be prideful over!

The word “humble” is defined as: 1. Marked by meekness or modesty in behavior, attitude, or spirit; not arrogant or prideful. 2. Showing deferential or submissive respect. When we KNOW and acknowledge, that everything good that we have has come from God and His work in our lives, then we are wise, and can easily be humble, showing “deferential or submissive respect” toward God and others.

Proverbs 10:27 Choose the Length of Your Life

Today’s verse is about the length of your life. You can choose to prolong or shorten it.

Proverbs 10:27 (NKJV)

27 The fear of the LORD prolongs days,

But the years of the wicked will be shortened.

As we have seen, “the fear of the Lord…” doesn’t mean terror of what He will do to us. It means to have awe and reverence or respect for His authority in our lives. When we look at God… the one that created everything, including us, we should be in awe of the fact that He has CHOSEN to love us though He knows EVERYTHING about us… every evil thought, or word, or action in our hearts and minds. He loved us so much that He didn’t want to lose us to the evil one and everlasting death.

If you have someone or something that is the most beloved thing in your life, would you be able to give that beloved one to others to torture and kill so that someone who hates, despises or simply doesn’t care about you could be saved? THIS is what God did for us because He loves us. We had sinned and separated ourselves from Him and He wanted us back, so He gave His precious Son to pay for our sins. THIS deserves our awe and respect. There is nothing that He can do that shows His love for us more than this.

When we have this kind of “fear/awe/reverence” and choose to learn of His ways, and follow them, then He will prolong the days that He has given us. We’ve seen how He has done this in the past for Hezekiah (2 Kings 20:1-11) when he prolonged his life 15 years.

Those that refuse to acknowledge that He is GOD, our creator, and choose to reject the way that HE, AS GOD, chose to be the only pathway to Heaven, are sinners (not doing as God wants them to do) and are “wicked.” These people don’t choose wise pathways, and end up having their “years shortened.”

Proverbs 10: 8 The Wise Listen...

Today’s verse contrasts another side of wisdom compared to foolishness.


Proverbs 10: 8 (NKJV)


8 The wise in heart will receive commands,

But a prating fool will fall.


A couple of the definitions of “command” is 1. an authoritative instruction that something must be done 2. the authority to command. People who are wise, and have made God’s wisdom a part of their hearts and minds, will realize that His is the ultimate authority in this life, and in the afterlife. They will know that He only asks things of them that will bring good things their way because He loves them. They CHOSE to follow the authoritative instructions of what HE says NEEDS to be done, because they trust in His ultimate love for them.

The definition of “prating” or to “prate” is to: To talk idly and at length; chatter. Speak empty, foolish, or trivial talk; idle chatter. I think women tend to call this "gossip" and men tend to call it "shooting the bull..." As we saw in the preceding paragraph, the wise person has made God’s wisdom a part of their lives and speak to His ways. This part of the verse tells us that foolish people (those that refuse to acknowledge God or His authority in their lives) speak of only empty, foolish or trivial things that help no one. These people will ultimately fail or “fall.”

Proverbs 8: 12 & 13

In today’s verses, “Wisdom” continues to speak, using words that show contrasts to bring out the differences between being wise and being foolish. They contrast knowledge, discretion and being prudent with pride, arrogance and a perverse mouth.

Proverbs 8: 12 & 13 (NKJV)
12 “ I, wisdom, dwell with prudence,

And find out knowledge and discretion.

13 The fear of the LORD is to hate evil;

Pride and arrogance and the evil way

And the perverse mouth I hate.

The first of today’s verses, names three attributes of wisdom. Prudence, is an attribute that we looked at in our last study. Verse 12 also says that wisdom brings knowledge and discretion. In past studies, we noted that knowledge is NOT the same as wisdom, for many people have a lot of “knowledge” but they never put it into proper action. For example, we can “know” that peroxide can help to disinfect and heal wounds, but it would not be wise to treat all wounds with peroxide automatically.

We can “know” that a friend is doing something wrong, and we might even have a really good idea on how the problem can be fixed, BUT wisdom will act with discretion, and wait for God’s timing (through prayer) to give an opening for a gentle nudge in the proper direction instead of jumping in with both feet and making enemies that won’t listen anyway. We need to learn to control our tongues (one of MY big problems!!!)

Verse 13 speaks of the “Fear of the Lord,” and we have discussed in previous studies how this “fear” is more of a respectful, awe of His power, than a quaking terror of being hurt or injured by Him. If we respect His power and are in awe of His love for us, then we start to understand that His ways and rules are for our protection, and we will stay on His paths and not be drawn to evil ones.

If we are too prideful and arrogant to have respect and awe for God, (I will do it MYSELF, because I KNOW ME BEST) then we are putting ourselves above Him, and will tend listen to “our” friends that have “perverse lips” (peer pressure) that will, too often, lead us down wrong paths.

The Bible tells us to be very careful of who we choose to be close to for this reason. I leave you with these two verses: Proverbs 16:28 (NKJV) 28 A perverse man sows strife, and a whisperer separates the best of friends AND Proverbs 11:13 (NKJV) 13 A talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter.